College Choices and Life Decisions

I was at the Ari Hest concert and could not WAIT for him to get on stage. It felt like I was waiting for a lifetime, so I decided to check my phone, see if I had any messages. My sister had texted me asking if I got into BYU. WHAT!? We weren't supposed to hear until the 28th, could they really have already posted it? So excited I opened besmart.com as quick I could. I waited with baited breathe for the page to load as I imagined all my dreams coming true. And then I saw it--denied. Don't mind my being dramatic, I was just trying to articulate what was going through my mind at the time. I did not quite know what to do. I did not really feel anything. I was a little dejected, embarrassed, upset, but my heart was not completely broken.

 My whole life I have felt like BYU Provo was my calling. It was where I needed to be, it was where all my siblings had gone, where my parents had gone! I was the last one. I HAD to get in. Maybe, it was an unrighteous desire, to want to be accepted so that I did not seem like a failure to my family. I knew none of them would view it like that, but I would. In that moment when I saw the "denied" I felt like all of my hard work, everything I had done my whole life was for nothing. BYU was where I needed to go. I had prayed every night, pleaded with the Lord to let me be accepted there. My parents prayed for it. I was so confused to why Heavenly Father would do this to me. I had lived a righteous life, always trying to be the very best I could be. I worked really hard in school, heck I even graduated early. I had almost a 3.9 GPA, how come I did not get in? As I went to bed that night I laid with my eyes open for hours. I finally decided to read my scriptures in some search for an answer. I have recently started rereading the Book of Mormon, so I was in 2 Nephi 20 and just decided to keep reading there. It had nothing to do with me. It was about people being destroyed and whatnot. I kept reading and the very last verse of the chapter the very last line said "The haughty must be humbled." That was it. But that was enough. I knew, at least partly, that I had not been accepted because I needed to be humbled. And humbled I am.

This morning I spent my time looking at the other schools I had been accepted to. It just so happens that the school I decided on has the exact program I want (BYU did not), with a new apartment that is so stinkin' nice. I see the hand of the Lord directing me where I need to go, and that is BYU Idaho. So, starting Fall 2012 that is where I will be attending. I know that as I trust in the Lord all things will be beneficial in some way, even if the path is clouded to me, He is there, leading me to become what He needs me to be. I know that. And I can honestly say, I am so, so excited to attend BYU Idaho.